Lenght: Chaptered 1/2
Genre : Angst, Drama
Rating: G, PG
Summary: Love comes unpredictable.
When we feel the love, there is also any a feeling of want to get closer, want to hug, want to kiss, there are always there.
Sometimes, waiting is the right thing when we are afraid if the person that we love has the same feeling or not. If it's not, then it would be very awkward.
But waiting can make us regret it too.
When the opportunity to express it perhaps... is not there anymore.
Everything is happen very quickly. I couldn’t remember what clothes I wear, and what time when it was happened. I just notices that suddenly the dorm was very quite. I just sit on the bed and all the flashbacks of everything that we did together were gathered in my mind now. I don’t really like quite place, and that guy knows. I don’t really like dark place, and that guy also know it. That guy knows me very well, and also me, but here I am now. Sit alone in the dark bedroom. I really missed that guy…a lot.
We ever promised each other to stay together forever. But it’s all now…done.
Everything is going to change from now on.
I remember the day when I saw that guy, crying silently in the corner of the waiting room. I touched his soft hair, caressing it lovingly and asking, why? He said sorry that he kept messing up his steps during their performance on the stage. He couldn’t do his best for the group. He felt so sorry that time.
It hurts me whenever I saw his sad face. He might be looked so cheerful in front of the camera, just laugh, and made jokes. But when all of them are turn off, he looked different. He is someone who was cold and looked like someone who was hard to be approached. Even though sometime he was such a spoiled little kid who whined a lot sometimes but he hide his easily fragile heart with his cold aura too. I want to cover it with my warmness. I want to protect him too.
I know how scared he was when I rushed to the hospital after drinking water given by someone who I thought she was a fan, but that drink has been mixed with glue. He was panicked. Junsu said it to me and I don’t even dare to imagine his face… I just can’t.
When he injured his legs, it was also painful to me seeing him struggle like that, and that made me never leave him alone. I was always beside him.
I love him. Yes, I love Kim Jaejoong. Kim Jaejoong as the most pretty boy I’ve ever meet and seen. His smile, his tender skin, his soft silky hair, his face that always looks bright, his teasing smile, and his beautiful eyes that make me want to see that eyes every second. He was perfect. I love everything about him.
But now, he is gone.
And here I am, sitting on supposed – to be – his – bed. He leaves. Finally he chooses to leave together with my two beloved members, Junsu and Yoochun because of some agreement problem. I am so depressed. I am upset. I’m so upset with myself as the leader, and as a man.
“Jaejoong-ah…why? I don’t even get the chance to saying that I love you…
Now what I have to do?... I lost you. I can not reach you anymore. I can’t forget you Jaejoong-ah…” I close my eyes.
“It’s so quite here Jae~ I feel so lonely without you by my side.” I lay my body on his bed, hugging his pillow.
The scent… I can smell it. The smell went up to my nose and goes to my brain. My brain is just responding it very quickly and I can feel my tears.
This smell belongs to Jaejoong.
His sweets scent that addicting me so much. So much like there is so impossible for me stop kissing him, buried my face into his neck, kissing and stroking his hair like there is no tomorrow…
I could see Changmin on the door and try too searching me between the dark room.
He turn on the lights, and it hurts my eyes suddenly, “turn it off…”. He did my order right after I said it. To be honest I feel bad for Changmin because I’m being cold to everyone these days, without exception.
“I’m sorry hyung, but you should eat” he said.
Eat. Usually it’s Jaejoong who will always asking us what we want to eat for dinner. Whatever we want, he will make it. I remember when he ever made me soup, and later I told him that the taste is not good. He cried. He was so cute that time, made me wanna hug him and saying ‘I’m sorry’ while kiss his cheeks.
“You go eat first, I’m not hungry now”
Changmin nodded “Ok hyung” then he walked away.
He closed the door, and the room is being silent again.
-What is your type of girlfriend Yunho-ssi?-
“I like a girl who can cook”
“I can cook!” Jaejoong suddenly said and I smiled.
“And I like a girl who has straight hair”
“My hair is straight!” said Jaejoong again. I looked at him while he is touching his own hair, prove me that his hair is straight.”
“Then I’ll go to Jaejoong, hahahaha” I laughed. I can’t hold seeing his cute face.
“And I like girl who looks so cold but actually she is a warm person. It’s just attracting me” I looked at Jaejoong. He’s ignoring my answer this time but he looked back at me, and there…his angelic smile.
Every single thing I did to him, and every response that he did too. Those all still in my mind.
“Jaejoong-ah, this beanie will looks good on you. Go have a try” I said to him and give him the beanie. He put the beanie on his head. He looks good. No, he looks so gorgeous. His face looks so perfect as he let his bangs still covering half of his eyes. His face is in perfectly shape.
“Yunho-ya.. do you want to buy me this?”
He pouts. Damn it. I want to peck that lips so much “Why?” He whined.
I’m so totally fall in love with this guy. Everything he wears, everything he put on his body is never look bad on him.
“Arraseo, I will buy it for you since it looks good on you” I smiled at him. But suddenly he give me back the beanie. With my confused face, I ask him, why?.
“Buy one for you too”
“Why? You want to have couple beanie with me?” I tease him.
“Aniyaa…if I lost mine, then I can take yours” he pursed his lips with those big eyes and take 2 beanies away.
“Yah! You spoiled little brat”
“I am! Thank you”
God has given me so many chances for me to get tell him about my feeling. There is always any chance for me to touch him and I dare to do that in front of the camera. Hugging him was the one that make me got addicted. His slender body, his slim waist, his stomach, his shoulder, his chest, and everything.
When I do that, he didn’t like disturbed by my action. Even sometimes he put his arm around my waist too as a reply. He always let me hold him and then I’m so sure that he must be like it. And again, maybe he loves me too. Yes, maybe. I am a coward. I am thinking about what-if-he-reject-me because everything will be awkward after that.
Everything is getting worse after we done our Japanese tour. He seems like make a distance over me.
Nothing lasts forever and i believe it. But i don't think it will be this fast.
He chooses to leave, and I feel numb. I heard my phone rang, it’s Jaejoong. I want to pick up the phone, but later I thought what should I say? Or what he is going to say.
He called my name. My heart feels like stop beating and his voice... is crack. Is he crying?
“Yes?” I reply.
“I’m…sorry…” my eyes began shaking. My heart hurts, I’m really in pain. I don’t want to hear his voice like this. His voice is just too far away and deep. I really want to yell at him to do not leave and stay by my side.
“Please take care of yourself Yunho-ya… take care of Changmin too. I’m sorry but… I don’t think I can face you, I am too scared”…” Sorry for all faults that I did this past six years on or behind the stage with you…and Changmin~” He continued.
Damn it Jaejoong! I want to stop him from talking because I know he is holding his voice from the tears. Or maybe he is already crying, and that’s hurts me. I keep silent and not saying anything. I squeeze the couch cushion hard. i close my eyes tight. I hold it but this damn tears finally fall down.
I miss him so bad, I don’t wanna do anything, and I can’t. Jaejoong already took my heart, and now he took my soul too. All the flashback coming in to my mind, I want it. I don’t want to forget it.
“Jaejoong-ah, where are you now? What are you doing? Who are you being with now? I’m here, thinking about you…”
His tears finally drop. The tears that he holds since the day the person that he wants, and he loves is now leaving him. The man that is known as a person, who will never cry, is now finally let out his tears fall down, he is crying silently in the middle of the dark. His heart is in ache now, his body is shaking too much from crying. He feels the pain on his throat as he hugs the pillow that Jaejoong usually used. He hugs the pillow tightly, feeling the scent of the beautiful guy who has been gone. Feeling regret for something that he should have done long ago.
“I love you jaejoong-ah… please… I want you to know this…” he is breathing heavily, he wipes his tears with the palm of his hand.
Jung Yunho, never let his tears easily fall, but for Kim Jaejoong, He let his tears flowing profusely because of the regret that he feels. Magic words that he supposed to say to the one that he love and care so much but in the end it can not be done and just buried in the hearts together with another memories that they had been created for years together…as friends…as TVXQ members…as family.
“I’m sorry Jaejoong-ah…I love you”
First chapter done!! ^^ i'm just trying to write and still having so many lack in everything. let me know what you guys think and don't be a silent reader kkk :p sorry too for my bad grammar. BBYOONG!! ^^